Accra, Ghana, October 5: It is the season for wishlists, and since I have been very good this year (I only rolled my eyes 47 times during meetings), here is what this feminist wants for Christmas. Spoiler alert, it is not man hating lessons.
1. A Moratorium on Telling Us What Feminists Look Like
Somewhere between the first wave and now, society decided feminists are angry, ugly, man hating women who probably own seventeen cats and have not smiled since 2003.
I am a feminist. I also enjoy makeup, romance novels, and yes, I actually like men (shocking, I know). Some feminists are married. Some have sons they adore. Some wear heels. Some wear trainers. Some are conventionally attractive. Some are not.
Feminism is not an aesthetic. It is not a personality type. It is simply believing women deserve the same rights, opportunities, and respect as men. That is it. That is the whole club.
If that makes me a "man hater," then apparently wanting my paycheque to match my male colleague's means I hate his entire gender. By that logic, him wanting a raise means he hates his boss. See how silly that sounds?
And speaking of being called bitter and man hating...
2. The "Bitter Feminist" Accusation (From Men Who Prove Our Point)
You know what is truly fascinating? When a man does something absolutely vile to women, gets rightfully dragged for it, and then calls the women criticising him "bitter."
Case in point: there was a pastor on TikTok, proudly announcing that he deliberately sabotaged his wife's dream of becoming a doctor. Not that it did not work out. Not that circumstances changed. He actively ensured she could not achieve it.
Feminist TikTok did what feminist TikTok does best, took him to the absolute cleaners. Rightfully so. His response? Called them bitter.
Let me get this straight, you admitted to crushing your wife's dreams, probably so she would remain dependent on you, and we are bitter for calling it out?
Sir, we are not bitter. We are furious. And fury, unlike bitterness, has a very clear target and a very good reason.
Here is what these men never want to acknowledge, women have the right to be angry. We have the right to be bitter when we see women being killed on a daily basis by intimate partners. We have the right to be outraged when misogyny is so casual, so accepted, that men can brag about sabotaging their wives and expect applause.
You want to talk about bitterness? Let us talk about how misandry has never killed a man, but misogyny kills women every single day. Let us talk about the fact that a German investigation uncovered Telegram groups with up to 70,000 members where men shared tips, videos, photos, and instructions on how to drug, overpower, and sexually assault women. Seventy thousand. Some even live streamed their crimes.
Not hypothetical. Not exaggerated. Real groups. With real members. Planning real harm.
In Ireland, 200 young men coordinated in a WhatsApp group to harass a woman at the University of Limerick, shouting outside her accommodation and throwing eggs at her door. Two hundred men. Against one woman.
But sure, we are the bitter ones for pointing it out.
3. An End to the "Equity Not Equality" Lecture (When Used to Dodge Real Issues)
I saw it again last week. That illustration on LinkedIn. You know the one, people of different heights watching a baseball game over a fence. Equality gives everyone the same box. Equity gives shorter people taller boxes. Very inspiring. Very shareable. Very... patronising when misapplied?
And inevitably, some well-meaning person in the comments writes: "This is why women should fight for equity, not equality!"
Now, let me be clear, equity has its place. When we talk about pregnancy leave, that is equity. Women need time to recover from childbirth, and that is acknowledging biological reality, not special treatment. When we talk about workplace accommodations for breastfeeding mothers or health conditions like endometriosis and fibroids, that is equity done right.
However, when people use the equity argument to dodge addressing actual discrimination and inequality that I find infuriating.
Here is what nobody mentions when they lecture women about how we should be fighting for equity instead of equality in the workplace, we are not short people who need boxes to see over a fence. We are capable adults being blocked by discriminatory systems that someone deliberately built.
When a woman gets paid 15% less than her male colleague for the same work, she does not need equity. She needs equality: the same paycheque he gets.
When a woman is passed over for promotion because her boss assumes she will prioritise family over career, she does not need differentiated support. She needs equal consideration, free from sexist assumptions.
When a woman is harassed at work and HR does nothing, she does not need special programmes. She needs equal enforcement of workplace protections that already exist.
The equity versus equality debate becomes a problem when it is used to reframe systemic discrimination as natural differences that require management. It shifts the conversation from "stop treating us unfairly" to "we will give you extra help because you are disadvantaged."
Equity for biological realities? Absolutely. Equity as an excuse to avoid addressing pay gaps, discrimination, and harassment? Absolutely not.
We do not need boxes to stand on. We need the people blocking the entrance to get out of our way.
4. A Permanent Ban on Men Explaining Women's Bodies to Women
Oh, this is where it gets really fun.
A Nigerian pastor, standing in his pulpit with all the confidence of someone who has never had a uterus, declared that fibroids are caused by contraceptives.
Let me repeat that, a man with zero medical training, zero personal experience with fibroids, and apparently zero access to Google, told his congregation that birth control causes fibroids.
For those keeping score at home, fibroids are influenced by hormones, genetics, and other factors we are still researching. Contraceptives do not cause them. In fact, some hormonal contraceptives can help manage fibroid symptoms.
But why let medical science get in the way of a good sermon about controlling women's bodies, right?
This is the same energy as politicians making laws about pregnancy and abortion who could not locate a cervix on a diagram with a map and a torch. The same energy as the man who mansplains period pain to someone who has been experiencing it monthly for two decades.
"Actually, period pain is not that bad. You are probably just being dramatic."
Sir, unless you have had your uterus staging a monthly revolution against you whilst you are trying to present in a board meeting, sit down.
Here is a wild idea: before making pronouncements about female bodies, maybe consult someone who actually has one? Revolutionary, I know.
5. The Cancellation of All Manels and the Manosphere
For the uninitiated, a "manel" is a panel of experts composed entirely of men. Usually discussing topics like "The Future of Healthcare" or "Innovation in Tech" or, my personal favourite, "Women in Leadership."
Gentlemen, if you are on a stage with five other men discussing women's issues, and it does not occur to ANY of you that maybe, just maybe, an actual woman should be up there... we need to talk about your pattern recognition skills.
And whilst we are at it, can we please dismantle the manosphere? That delightful corner of the internet where men gather to discuss why women are simultaneously too emotional AND not emotional enough, too ambitious AND too lazy, too independent AND too needy. These are the same men who will spend three hours explaining why feminism destroyed dating, then wonder why women are not interested in them. It is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, dipped in Lynx body spray.
6. A Reality Check for the "Not All Men" Brigade
Here is something fascinating, in a vox pop, men were asked if they would like to live in a men only world. They said no.
Women were asked the same question about a women only world. They said yes.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Men fear men. Women fear men. The only people who do not seem to understand why are men who think "not all men" is a compelling defence.
When women say "men are dangerous," we are not saying every single man is a predator. We are saying we cannot tell which ones are, and the stakes of getting it wrong are assault, abuse, or death. The stakes for you are... what? Hurt feelings?
Women would rather live in a world without men than continue navigating a world where we are harmed by them daily. And before the "but you need men to reproduce" crowd chimes in, we have sperm banks and turkey basters. We will be fine.
7. A Message to Pick Mes and Patriarchy Princesses
And to the women reading this who think playing along with misogyny will save them, who throw other women under the bus for male approval, who say "I am not like other girls," let me be very clear:
They will never choose you.
You can agree with every sexist joke. You can nod along when they mock feminists. You can be the "cool girl" who never complains. And when it is your turn to be harmed, diminished, or discarded, those same men will do it without hesitation.
Patriarchy does not reward women for compliance. It just delays our suffering.
You are not special for siding with our oppressors. You are just next in line.
Look, feminism is not about hating men. But it is also not about pretending everything is fine when it very clearly is not.
It is not "bitter" to be angry when women are killed by intimate partners every day.
It is not "man hating" to call out 70,000 men sharing assault instructions on Telegram or 200 young men coordinating harassment campaigns.
It is not "too sensitive" to demand equal pay, equal respect, and the radical notion that women are whole, complete human beings with agency, intelligence, and yes, the occasional opinion about our own bodies and lives.
So, this Christmas whilst you are making your own wishlist, consider adding one item: checking your biases, listening more, and maybe, just maybe, trusting that women know what is best for women.
And if that is too much to ask? At least stop explaining our periods to us.
Because we have the right to be angry. We have the right to be bitter. And we have the right to demand better.
Happy holidays, and may 2026 bring fewer manels and more sense.
This piece was originally published on BNFT.